The First Surgery

10 November 1999

The surgery went well. They repaired bilateral hernials, one on each side. I also had ovarian varicosity on both sides which was also repaired. I had pretty severe adhesions between my bladder and uterus which was probably causing most of the pain in my bladder. I had minor amounts of endometriosis, so that's a good sign that the immune treatment is working. Also I had an endoscopy in my bladder. I have interstatial cystitus. Apparently I don't actually feel any of the syptoms from that so I guess I'm lucky I do have the pinpoint bleeding so it's a wonder.

Waking up on the way to the recovery room, I felt the most incredible pain I've had in my entire life. Neither my doctor nor I thought to discuss the fact that novocaine doesn't last very long on me. She'll be taking care of that for the next surgery. Then they gave me morphine in the recovery room followed by medicine for nausea every twenty minutes or so. The hospital stay was rather tramatic. Once I was up on the floor getting a nurse was sort of like wishing the pope would come by. They failed to pay any attention to the sign stating I had a latex allergy or that I was allergic to most painkillers and kept trying to use both on me. Getting a nurse took a minimum of 30 minutes. So plan ahead for those pain killers. I'm glad I didn't need help to the bathroom, or heaven forbid fall and need help.

Getting home I had my trusty pillow necessary for post-op car rides and it was still rather unpleasant but tolerable. I was glad to get home.

Following are my journal entries for the day of up the surgery and after return from the hospital.

3:46am 10 November 1999

Well it's the big day and as predicted I couldn't sleep. Instead lay here reading Deep Play by Diane Ackerman. Perhaps it helps me to think of this as a pilgramage maybe delving into the cesspool of pain will give me spiratual transcdentalism. After all how different is it than climbing Mt. Everest? Tired, pain, exhaustion, unbearable conditions, possible death...
The last of course is unlikely though after the exhausting unpleasant painful bowel cleansing all day I almost wanted death...not quite of course but oh my butt!
I'm afraid of the pain, bloated, swelling, hazy world that will be mine later today. I'm going to try to document it all as it happens rather than later as I tend to forget-editing out the unpleasant details. I, of course, would rather they were edited out for being boring rather than for pain.
Faith in my sacred temple. Six days, Six nights raising on the seventh entirely much better. That is what I hope at least, no need for drugs on the seventh. Six days will be bearable and I can heal that fast. And shall. I hope you are listening my temple. My temple thinks its had just about enough of the bowel distress. And I still have an enema for morning- I mean in less than an hour. My arsehole stings unbearably during these...that's definately a detail I'd forgotten. I hope the excretment exiting stops in time to leave. I suspect it should have long before now. I also supsect their evening and mine differ in their timetables slightly. God I want some french fries...Or any food actually. Hungry, tired of the thundering abdominal signaling a near explosion.

barren river why, I'll pray for a flood to wash over you, its here I'll be with you-peter murphy I'll fall on your knife.

midnight 11 November 1999

Surgery went well but I woke up screaming in pain and they pumped me full of valium which made me weird and groggy.
Recovery room was weird no bell and needed morphine every few minutes and then the nausea medicine, it was very unpleasant the hospital sucked in general-long waits for nurse and pain pills and then fighting about the latex and pills I couldn't take. And the cranky tupee man who volunteers at the front desk and layin in wet bandages all night.

I'm not having the second look there. It was awful and I'm glad I didn't need them to help me to go potty. Well feeling pretty lucid and was able to eat last night and three meals today. So that's good. dr. Metzger said surgery went well.

3:18am 12 Nov 99

1-tylonal with coeine #4

Awake like clockwork for my painmeds. Woke up at 1:30am too and went potty had really bad shivers. So am taking my temperature just in case..seems to be a hundred actually. maybe I'll take the tylonal #4 instead of the plain codeine. Of course could just be the electric blanket.
3:34am
Okay it's down to 98.6 so I guess it's just the electric blanket..turned it down some. Don't imagine that's good for me.
4:15am
Back up to 100...so who knows...will see how it is at 7am with my next dosage. Also just had my first fart so bowels are working again. The nurse asked if I had farted. Weird.
8:20am
1-tylonal with codeine #4
I feel surpizingly well and if I lie still Its not any worse than before surgery though the swollen pussy monster is sadly still there and uncomfortable and I itch everywhere on my belly. Haven't taken more pain pills but I think I may soon. I wanted to know how much pain I'm really in. Seems like it's way better though moving hurts more and my bowels are making noise and that hurts. I msut say this is the maost rested I've felt in years maybe. A good sign I think. If I stop leaking (it's slowed at least and is still only from the right wound) and they swelling goes down I'll feel pretty good though I can't stand up for more a couple minutes. Brushing teeth for example is hard and too much standing.
Okay I think I'll go ahead with another pain med. gas pain in my bowels moving around is pretty painful.
11:30pm
2-codeine 60mg
Got up today about 11:00 D- made me some tasty eggs & S- came back over, Actually felt rested in a way I hadn't in years. Neat! Most of the day felt really good got nauseous around 4 after taking codeine on empty stomache, had some bread and coke and nausea medicine, it went away. It was sudden and scary though. And then evening pain came on suddenly so that was startling and is pretty unpleasant and tiring still. Going to sleep now.

3:30am 13 Nov 1999

2 -codeine 60mg tabs
101 degree temp
owie!

7:04am Swollen labia monster
8:54am Still have headache, fever 100.8 degree, probably giving me a headache, feel disoriented by day and time-what happened in which order...
9:25am 1-Tyonal #4
9:45am 100.6 degrees

12 midnight 14 November 1999
2-codeine
100.8
constipated I guess...achy bowel-ness, may have to send for some supositories to hey. headachey all day but generally better. sat on parch in sun this afternoon. C.M. came to visit. E-left around noon and j.e- came around 3.

3:21am
100.1
1-tylonal #4
still having bowel distress, sleepy...back to it

4:40am
tossing and turning for last 40 minutes or so, can't sleep

6:27am
98.8
2-codeine 60mg
still awake, insomnia sucks

11:00am 2-codeine

11:37am 98.6

4:10pm 98.9
Icing crotch, not sure if it's helping the swelling. J- called from paris this morning, h- called, and jwz called. So did S- and then she came over to move her car and brought suppositories and I finally had a bowel movement. I think I'll have to do it again later. I still feel heavy and pained. Miserable cloudy and cold today. And of course it's stuffy in here and I can't open the door/windows because everyone is running their fireplaces.

3:00am 15 Nov 1999
2-codeine 60mg
98.2
M.L. called, jwz came over and brought comics and stayed quite a while, stayed for diner and E-, J.E- were all here for diner too. Had a second bowel movement today. funny how you don't think about how unpleasant your bodily functions can be when they stop working right. My labia is still really swollen and painful, if not for that I could go to a movie, but I can't sit up that long.

6:34am
98.2
2-codeine 60mg
pidictably I've woken up in time for the drugs-every three hours. Was dreaming...

10:34am 16 Nov 1999
1-codeine 60mg
frequent urination
labia swollen

2:00pm vomiting quite a lot actually, three times forcefully.

6:00pm dizzy and nauseaous all afternoon, blinding headache comes and goes


8:00 Joyce (nurse) finally called, trying benadry for the swollen labia in case it's an allergy and continue icing (as it turns out I'm allergic to menstral pads because they have latex in them...nice of them to tell you that on the damn box!)
j.e- called, k- called she suggested trying not to fall back in to the old patterns because it was making me sick.

1:14am 17 Nov 1999
light as the last few matches in the box. started medicine for allergies and bladder infection today. H- called today. c.m. staying tonight. Brought me yummy sushi. Walgreens took five hours to fill my prescriptions. When to pick it up in the car with c.m. Wasn't too bad. S- called, jwz called, j.e- called.

2:24am having trouble staying asleep. I have to pee a lot and it itches. Bladder aches on the inside. 97.0

7:28am 1-compazine(for nausea) c.m. just left. feeling nauseous...probably the baldder infection. hopefully we don't have to go down that path again though I had pills and now some oatmeal and granola. Hopefully that will calm things down. Wish I knew wehre my anti-nausea wrist things were. J

9:45am 1-codeine, 1-macrobid, 1-zyrtec
started feeling better today, gardened a little-probably be tired tomorrow. Planted seeds, cooked dinner. Pac Bell came, Electrician came. Dog has adopted my porch. H-called, jwz, j.e-, s-, j. called too.

12:10 am 18 Nov 1999 Thursday
going to doctor today. Glad I started meds for bladder infection feeling much better and less itchy from zyrtec.

2:18am 19 Nov 1999
J.e- called S- took me to the doctor. Everything is healing well. R, K and J came for dinner.
Staying alone for the first time...rather unexpectedly

1:06am
phone cord melted on the heater and S- came over because phone was off the hook and she got worried. We went to get videos, and to walgreens. J. and K. called. DSL finally called to schedule hook up and I cancelled because they took so damn long. I started feeling weird. ordered indian food, played chinese checkers and scrabble and watched movie.

21 Nov 1999
c.b. and c.m. and j. called. Feeling pretty good today. Went to movies with jwz and s-. then to catus taqueria and pendragon books. Tried to dye my hair red but the ends didn't take-turned some weird brownish blondish purple color.

22 Nov 1999
Saw D. Kyuen today. It was strange, things moving. Diagnosis: Fatigue from calcium build up in cell walls, urethera irratation not a bladder infection, family and ancestrial guilt, trama. I feel more grounded now, but it feels weid like I'm floating but still solid on the ground.

25 Nov 1999

Planted bulbs in the garden. Feel pretty good but might have overdone it.

December

I started feeling worse developed a kidney infection and caught a nasty flu. I showed up on the next surgery date but some poor woman was very bad and they didn't have time to do me, though I was pretty sickly anyway so it was for the best. Surgery was postponed until the 29th, but sadly Dr. Kresch passed away and we postponed again in respect for him. Surgery was rescsheduled for 5 January.

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